February 15, 1986
I'm so gross! I don't know how anyone stands to look at me. All the skinny girls in my classes get the boyfriends, the attention, and what do I get? I get called a pig. Jason is the worst. I know brothers exist to make their sisters' lives miserable, but I think the reason Jason's comments hurt so much is because I know they're true. I am a pig. I eat way too often and way too much junk food. Mom says 110 pounds is fine for being 5 feet 3 inches tall, but I don't like how flabby I feel. I think I'm going to try to lose a few pounds—just enough so Jason will stop teasing me.
April 15
I'm not doing too bad—six pounds and counting. Another six or eight and I might look OK. I'd love to lose these thunder thighs. Jason doesn't call me "oinker" anymore, but I think that's only because Mom and Dad told him to stop.
April 24
I've made a pact with myself to cut out all "munchies" (like potato chips) from now on. And I've decided to cut out all desserts, too. That should really make a difference! Guess what I found out? A McDonald's cheeseburger has over 500 calories! And the fat content is super high! I will never eat there again!
May 21
I want to learn the caloric content in everything. I wonder how many calories are in a postage stamp. Do vitamins have calories? I know a stick of gum has 10 calories, but if I were to chew gum instead of eating lunch, I'd come out way ahead.
May 26
I've lost 17 pounds since I started dieting. It's getting harder to do, though, because Mom and Dad are noticing that I poke at my food rather than eat it. Tonight they practically force-fed me. They lectured me on eating a full meal, then made me drink a whole glass of milk—that's 110 calories! I didn't want it! It makes me sick to think they made me do something I didn't want to do.
June 1
I've noticed lately that Mom's been putting extra globs of peanut butter on my celery. I think she's trying to trick me into eating more calories, but I'm the one who's tricking her! When I get to school, I throw my lunch away. Then, while my friends scarf down their fat-filled lunches, I spend 30 minutes walking the halls. So not only do I resist consuming calories, I actually burn some! Ha! Who's in charge now?
June 15
Tomorrow we leave for Michigan for the summer. I'm kind of glad to be getting out of town because the cabin has always been a relaxing place for me, but I worry that Mom and Dad will be studying my every move.
July 1
I haven't weighed myself since I left Indiana because there's no scale here, but I think I've lost weight. I hope so—I'd love to go home at the end of the summer all skinny, pretty and tan. All my friends would be blown away!
July 15
I'm having a hard time getting a tan because I'm always wrapped in a sweatshirt and blanket. I'm sick of being cold all of the time. It was 88 degrees today, but I couldn't warm up. I'm tired a lot, too, and I'm constantly napping, but at least when I'm asleep I'm not thinking about food.
August 5
Today Mom asked me if I knew what anorexia nervosa is. She and Dad think I have it. That's crazy. Yes, I eat less now, but so what? Why do they have to criticize me for it? I get good grades. I try to make them happy. Why can't they let me have this one thing? Why do they have to control what I eat?
August 15
Time to go home. I'm worried, though. Mom and Dad say they're taking me to see Dr. Kirby when we get home. Why do they have to do that? I'm fine! What are they trying to prove?
August 24
OK—I wouldn't admit this to Mom and Dad, but I'm scared. Today when I stood up in church to sing a hymn, I blacked out. It was freaky! My eyes were open, but all I could see was darkness. I fell back into the pew, and Mom asked what was wrong. When I told her, she spazzed. I've never seen her look so petrified. Jason asked what kind of funky lipstick I had on, but I wasn't wearing any. He said my lips were completely white.
(These stories are more and more true with modern media, do you really think the women you see on the covers of magazines look like that? Airbrushing techniques are so good they fool a lot of people but they aren't perfect take a closer look....And Yes! These were published for the youth of America to compare themselves to.)
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