"My daughter's journey to heroin and back"

"I know this amazing and beautiful young woman, in fact on October 1st, 1988, I gave birth to her. Ariel was what some have said was a magical child. She was born an "old soul". Meaning, she seemed to know about things at a very early age. She carried on deep and meaningful conversations about all sorts of things with her teachers, her Grandfather, my husband and I...she was just amazing. I have 3 children and I realize everyone always thinks their child is "gifted, unique". My other two, I love them no less, but they didn't have Ariel's gift to touch the heart of even the most callous person she came in contact with.

Fast forward to Ariel at 12, she took on the very daunting (at least to me) task of reading the entire Dune series. As well as the ever popular Harry Potter and so on. She was never without a book. Puberty hit and then we had her baby sister when she was 14. By this time she was struggling in school after being in TAG all through elementary. We moved to a small town to see if a change out of the overcrowded high school she was in would help. With the added space in our new house ,she became engrossed in her art. She was so passionate about it, but still there was something terribly wrong. She started hanging out with a young man who had graduated the summer before. My husband and I saw a dramatic change in her for the better. She was happy, she seemed centered, eager to participate in life again.

This lasted about 6 months and at 16 we found her in a ball in her bed, bleeding from her slit wrists. We rushed her to the ER and called her therapist. She stayed for about a week on the psych unit and then was transferred to a youth in-house substance abuse program. I was astonished. This kid won the district wide DARE essay contest in 8th grade!" Mrs. M, your daughter has traces of cocaine, thc, ecstacy and xanax in her system' I don't know why I felt like I was punched, I could not believe my baby girl, the one with so much potential was on this path! She watched her dad go through rehab twice for alcohol and drugs! She was so against it, or so we thought!
She somehow manipulated us to get her out and she didn't need that place. We also found out she was failing school. Her grandparents wanted to help and paid for her to go to an artsy school in the Laurelhurst neighborhood in Portland that all the rich but alternative parents send their kids to in Portland. She got on trimet everyday at 7am to get there by 9am, and seemed on the right track. She loved the free thinking spirit of it and did some amazing work. She was still dating her boyfriend and they were reading Burroughs and Bukowski together.

At 17, she was burning alot of incense in her room, she had friends and seemed happy again. Then everyrthing fell to pieces...I was cutting the hedges near her room and noticed the strong smell of vomit. I went in her room and she was getting high by smoking heroin with her boyfriend and another girl. I was so shocked. I had never even seen heroin. but I knew the smell...the incense I kept smelling was really the smell of heroin smoke. It smells like burning cookies, actually. I smelled it a zillion times! We were old Deadheads so the thought of incense in our house was no big deal.
We put her in rehab #2, that lasted a week, and she again manipulated her way through it. It was a horrible time in our lives. I kicked her out, but she was my kid, I could not leave her on the street, despite what her Dad thought. We almost divorced over it. I found out her dealer was around the corner from her school. She was getting high before class and she was slipping away from me.

We went through the very horrific life of living with a heroin addict for over a year. She continued to see her boyfriend off and on. I don't know why, but I saw all these kids as hurt, lost souls that needed help. I never blamed anyone. Ariel got herself into this. Anyhow, her boyfriend's Dad came and screamed at me in front of my little girl and Ariel was mortified. He threatened to call child protective services because Ariel and her boyfriend were getting high at home in the shed. When she heard this, something switched on. She came to us that night and asked for help one more time. I got a bed for her in her 1st adult rehab, that wasn't based on the 12 steps or NA, per say.It cost every penny we had, but it was my child's life. She dropped to 90 pounds and was a mess. I don't know why or how it worked, perhaps it was because she was with people from all walks of life, her age on up to 60 or 70. She took so much from their stories, experiences. They called her "the kid" and she spent 36 days, many of these people much older than even myself pulled me aside to tell me what a remarkable child i had and that she made a huge difference in their recovery!. She went in December 8, 2006. During her stay her boyfriend went to jail for 60 days. They both realized they were together because of the drugs. Both are clean to this day and they still talk sometimes on the phone.

I am not fool enough to think that Ariel's hard earned sobriety will be an easy thing for her, but I must commend her. She spent almost a year trying to rebuild her life again with us in our town. But no matter what, someone was always calling her or stopping by trying to get her to succumb to the life of a heroin addict again. We changed her phone twice, still people were trying to contact her. She kept in touch with a childhood friend from Texas, whom she met through her cousin when she was 13 and visiting. She visited every year and this guy somehow always seemed to call her when she was at her worst. She was telling him how noone would leave her alone and he hitchiked from Texas to Oregon and ended up on our doorstep in October 2007. For Christmas he gave her a toy plane. They flew to Texas, she got her GED, enrolled in college, and works for a caterer. She loves her life and I miss her like hell. But there was no way she could continue to live here, on the I-5 corridor and stay clean. No one wanted her sobriety more than she did. She has her ups and downs, but somehow she manages to get through it without getting high. She has built a stong support system and is again an amazing young woman of 20, into art, poetry, baking, her dog, her family and a boy who cared enough to hitch across America to save a girl he knew was in trouble.They may not last, 20 is so young! But then again I was 19 when her Daddy and I had her...Everyday I wake up and pray my baby will have one more day of sobriety.Every day is precious." By: mothersuperior

This story hit home hard, a girl I met a few years back lived a story very close to this, she and I are still in touch, I pray for her to keep her sobriety one more day. I know that with each step she is that much happier.

Drug Addict

Desire
wanting and needing it everyday
Rage
overtakes me when the high goes away
Ugliness
so horrible I get numb inside
Guilt
knowing that I have lost my pride

Ashamed
of the constant cravings I get
Desperate
looking around for one more hit
Dishonest
telling more lies all for dope
Irresponsible
getting high in order to cope
Controlling
so intense that sometimes I go insane
Temptations
when I sleep, I hear dope calling my name

by: dillydally
This reminds me where Mak went and doesn't want to go again...it puts things into simple perspective, no over thinking required.

When One Door Closes....Another Opens

"Here I open a new door, and close the one of my old life, lock it, bar it, nail it shut, post hazardous waste signs. That door is no more, it matters not, I will not think of it, it is not who I am or ever will be anymore. I drop the key in the trash, I hear it hit the bottom of the dark within the pail, a sound that brings a smile to my face as I turn and walk away, head help high and the only noise echoing the long, endless hallway are my shiny red stilettos ringing out as I come to my new door. Without a backwards glance I walk through the new doorway into my new life." ~Makenzie


They were a gift to Makenzie for turning over her new leaf, starting her fresh life. She has finished her rehab, she is working on her "Life Rehab". Reinventing herself. She is my inspiration, my muse for this place. Her story and many others need a voice, I want to give it to them.

This place will be a place of growth, discovery, reflection and on occasion possibly remembrance but only if it teaches a present lesson. Here I will share stories, articles, thoughts and inspiration to those in their own hallway to get their own shiny red stilettos.

Her first step was getting help, when I searched only one place had the answers I sought, offered the help she needed. It was their philosophy that spoke to me:

"Your needs are unique. Your treatment program should be, too. There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all when it comes to addiction treatment. That's why we do not have a standard drug rehab program. Our counselors will develop a treatment plan that is unique to you. This is one of the reasons why we have been so successful at helping others achieve true long-term sobriety.

To personalize your program, our addiction treatment philosophy incorporates a wide variety of traditional and non-traditional methods, employing both Western and Eastern medical techniques. Plus, we utilize the talents of some of the best practitioners in the world." (article courtesy of Sunset Malibu)

With a statement like that, how could you go anywhere else? And Makenzie did it!